Tuesday 18 October 2011

Greenland Wars II, the James Strikes Back

Give a man an inch….
I took Chris down to the local pool yesterday to attempt once & for all to 'fix' his Greenland rolling. That's 'fix' like how Carl Williams eventualIy got 'fixed'….
I tried every dirty trick I knew to make sure the black art of the forward finishing roll remained just that to him, a skill unattainable to all but the most supple & talented athletes, like me.
The results are on the video above, clearly my instruction is so good I couldn't even do it badly if I wanted to….
His one serious misdemeanour was an attempt at our 'Holy Grail', the forward finishing rodeo roll, sans paddle. Whereas I was happy to fail miserably & wallow upside down waiting for an undignified rescue, James attempted a sleight of hand deception by arching his back & finishing with a back-leaning recovery! Fortunately, the camera caught out this cynical breach of ethics, which I've included here as a lesson to the cheats among you all. Understand what sort of man you're dealing with if you ever come across this Chris James fella in some other walk of life.
There was interest at the pool from a few Petersham locals, real rough inner city types with big L-O-V-E H-A-T-E prison tats who took some out time to study the ancient arts we were so elegantly performing. Could this become the new yobbo sport, some twisted 'Jackass' underwater….?
I actually heard a rumour that one of the local rugby league teams caused a dreadful brouhaha at the same pool last week, when they turned their 'Mad Monday' celebrations into a crazy Greenland rolling session. Luckily the NRL were able to keep it out of the papers, saving the reputation of the greatest game of all from a scandal that would dwarf the betting, drinking & general antisocial behaviour league players are renowned for. You heard it here first…..
**Note, although I make mention of 'a small animal dying' at the end of the video, please rest assured that no small animals indeed died during the making of this movie.

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